need another drink. this is the easiest way
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
