what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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