I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
