TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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