Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
