yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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