lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
