you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
