I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
