I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
