You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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