I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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