ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
