he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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