there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
