We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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