Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Damn victory sex feels great
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
