I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We left an ass print on the piano.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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