last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Those nachos came to me in a dream
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
