What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
