Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
