I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
