Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
