How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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