ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
