i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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