you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
