one two three fourrrrnication!
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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