I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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