Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
