Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
