she looked like the bat from fern gully.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
