Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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