If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
