so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
