Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
