I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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