God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I need a burrito and a hug.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
