i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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