if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
