Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
