I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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