His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
