Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
