Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I had to cum in my sink.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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