i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize