____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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