You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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