It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
