Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Even my vagina gasped.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
