We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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