i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize