u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize