sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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