once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
