the condom got lost in my hair
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
