Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
