a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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