So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
