This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
