Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
