Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
