Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
only you would photoshop your dick
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i dont even know how to be here
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
