Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
