it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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