I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I want her autograph on my taint
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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