There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Please don't give away my fajitas
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
