I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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