There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
