He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
