Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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