trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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