are you still at the devil's house?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
